Driving
by Blue-Starlight92
Summary: One-shot. Capricorn is bored. Basta get's a crash-course in driving, and Flatnose gets annoyed. Slightly OOC Capricorn. First Inkheart fanfic. No chickens, cats, or black-jacket's were harmed in the making of this fanfic...


**A/N: Okay, this is just a little one-shot, that's supposed to be funny, that I got the idea for, and wrote in about an hour, at two in the morning. It's kinda funny, I suppose...**

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"Basta!" Capricorn called from his throne-like chair. Basta gulped- he knew that tone, it was the tone Capricorn used when he was bored- so whatever Capricorn wanted could range from making Basta juggle dead furry things, to having Dustfinger dragged in. Personally, Basta hoped it was the later, but he approached Capricorn as normal.

"Go get Flatnose- you're going to learn to drive." Capricorn said, as he leaned over to his right with his head in his palm.

"Me?" Basta asked stupidly.

"No, who do you think I mean, my mother? Of course I mean you!" Capricorn snapped irritably.

Basta wisely hightailed it out of the church to find Flatnose.

Ten minutes later saw the three men in a, slightly beat up, car, sitting at a stand still in the parking lot. Capricorn sat in the passenger's seat, Basta in the driver's seat, and Flatnose crammed, quite uncomfortably, in the back seat.

"Okay, now turn the key away from you." Flatnose said slowly, as Basta already looked like he might bolt out of the car already. Honestly, the man had ridden in cars too many times to count- why was he so nervous about driving one himself?

Basta quickly turned the key, and jumped about a foot when the engine sputtered slightly, and so let go of the key- upon which the engine promptly died.

"No, you have to _hold_ it there for a few seconds." Flatnose said, with much more patience than anyone ever gave him credit for.

Basta did so, and lo and behold, the engine started.

"Okay, now take that stick lookin' thing on the side of the steering wheel, and pull it down until it clicks twice." Flatnose instructed. He may not have known that the instrument he'd just dubbed as a 'stick lookin' thing' was a shift, and he might not have been able to read that you had to move it from 'park' to 'drive' but he knew how to make it work.

Basta did so, then, for once feeling confident about something, pressed surprisingly lightly on the gas pedal. The car slugged forward at about the speed that the earth spins on its axis, which, for those not wise in the ways of science, is freakishly slow.

"Um, Basta?" Flatnose spoke up from the back seat after a few minutes, when Flatnose had looked out the window in time to see a tortoise crawl past them, then turn around and stick its tongue out victoriously (or at least, he thought it did- the hot air in the car was making him a little sleepy)

"Yes, Flatnose?" Basta replied.

"Could you, maybe, y'know, speed it up a little? Maybe just a little closer to ten kilometers?"

Basta, reluctantly, did so, driving over the bridge at about five miles an hour. Flatnose didn't know the car could even go this slow, and was more than a little annoyed by now.

"Basta, floor it." Flatnose growled from the back.

"Nuh-uh." Basta said stubbornly.

"Floor it. Now."

"Basta." Capricorn cut in. "If you don't at least move a little faster, I personally will take that foul rabbits foot from around your neck!"

Basta did make it to about twenty, but seeing that they were on the open road by now, Flatnose was still annoyed.

"Basta! FLOOR IT!"

"No!"

"FLOOR IT NOW!"

"Never!"

"NOW!"

"Not on your life!"

"JUST FLOOR THE BLOODY CAR!" Flatnose, by this point, had Basta in a stranglehold and was threatening to cut off his air. Having a better idea, he pulled out a pocket knife and started to slowly saw away at the cord holding the rabbits foot around Basta's neck.

"DON'T YOU CUT THAT CORD!" Basta yelled. And floored it.

About seven minutes later saw chickens squawking, flying in all directions, cats running, and black jacket's running screaming, all trying to get away as the car containing Flatnose, Basta, and Capricorn screeching into the village.

Unfortunately they were going down a hill.

And one of the boys repairing said bridge had left a number of tools out.

And they just happened to be in the way of the car.

The most girlish scream Mortola ever uttered left her mouth as the now-airborne car landed a few feet in front of her.

Upon looking into the window, one could have seen Flatnose smiling smugly, declaring that he was 'proud of his first student', Basta recovering from the shock and beginning to bicker with him about 'who's higher rank here?' And Capricorn…well, Capricorn wearing one of the most perfect mixes of utter shock and fear on his face, seemingly frozen stiff to his seat.

"Basta" Capricorn managed as the three men got out of the car.

"Yes, sir?" Basta inquired.

"Let's just have you stick to tormenting Dustfinger…"


End file.
